I love my life and realize that I am blessed and grateful to be where I am at. I found met and married my best friend, who is my match in everyway. We enjoy each other's company, look forward to seeing eachother in the early morning before he heads off to work and in the later day when he comes home. We share a love of family, friends and the gospel and were blessed to be given 3 wonderful children whom we adore with all our hearts, and whom I can't wait to hear in the morning, yelling, "mommy, where ahhh ooo". I get to pull them out of there beds and kiss their sweet little faces and rub the hair on their heads. I make them breakfast, usually eggs and toast, send my oldest one to Kindergarten, while i, back at home, get some one on one with the twins, usually baking something that is sweet and is sure to raise their blood sugar!
When Chase gets home we play outside for a bit. Tag, kick ball, batman, pirates. And then time for lunch. (it seems as if we are always eating!!!) Sandwhiches and chips, a slice of fruit, tall glass of milk, but not until we argue who gets to say the prayer. Then one of my boys utters a sweet (and sometimes silly) prayer to the Lord asking to bless the food, for Jagger to fold his arms, and that daddy will come home safe, and that maybe we'll get to go to the park or Grandma's house today! I love their prayers. They are just how prayers should be. Short, sweet and simple, to the point!
They eat their lunch and then we pick a story, the twins go for Elmo or Dinosaurs and Chase ventures more towards an educational selection such as "My first Encyclopedia". I have a bright child, who takes after His handsome father. After story time, which somehow I find getting suckered into more than our usual one book policy, i lay these sweet boys down for their nap and have some quiet time to myself. Normally I read, bake, clean, or fold laundry.
Not today.
Today, I reflect. I reflect on what really matters. A dear and sweet life of one of my neighbors and friends, was returned home yesterday to a loving Heavenly Father, and although I never went to lunch with her, took her shopping to my favorite store, or had a "girl's night" with her, her passing has impacted me more than I was prepared for.
She was a young mother like me, with 2 of her own sweet little boys to raise, and a darling husband, like mine who adores her with all his heart. I think about how much there life has changed in a matter of one night and my heart breaks for them.
Upon hearing the news I had to do something, I think it is the mother in me wanting to "fix" things and make them better. I made a Lasagna, sugar cookies, wrote my thoughts and sympathies down in a note and took it to there home. I was nervous! Not of them, but of the unknown reaction to give, what to say, how to keep composure.
I walked into the home full of family members I did not know, for the husband had already left for the mortuary, handed somebody my lasgana, saw my friend, who had passed aways, child, and lost my composure! I cried. I didn't lose it, but I was close. The family came to my despair and hugged me!
I told them I was sorry for their loss, and that I would love to give any kind of help that was needed.
On my way out the door, I needed a moment to fall apart and take in all that I was feeling. My heart broke for the children. My friend has an 8 year old son along with a 3 old son, kind of similar to our family. I imagined what I would do and how I would feel if Heavenly Father had called me home at such an early age and I was asked to leave my little ones behind at such tender young ages when the need for "mommy" is so real. It made me cry.
I needed to find somewhere fast or I was going to end up a blubbering mess on their front lawn, and so I walked quickly across the street to my dear bishop's house where I was glad to find his wife, Jen home.
She grabbed me and we hugged, and that is where I lost a hold of my emotions. We talked about the situation, she told me all she knew, and as I listened to her replay the events of our friends passing, the spirit filled the room. Although some of us are never sure why Heavenly Father calls some of His children home earlier than others, we can find solice in the tender mercies He provides at their passing from this part of our life to the next.
Jen shared with me how the events of that night played out. Our friend's husband was supposed to have been working the graveyard shift the night she passed away, and wouldn't usually have been home from work until the later morning after she and the children had awoke. He came home early from work that night not feeling very well. When he came home he found his wife rocking their sweet 3 year old son, just hours before she would pass away into the next stage of her life.
What a blessing, that her last act on Earth would be for her to rock her youngest little boy, one last time. The thought makes me cry.
Even now.
She went to bed and passed away not far after, in the early morning hours on Wednesday. Her sweet husband was the one to discover that she had passed and was able to take care of the situation promptly and tenderly with the help of family and loving neighbors, as their children stayed sleeping in their beds. Again, another tender mercy from the Lord.
We will find ourselves faced with many different experiences in life, similar to this that will bring much, sorrow, grief and leave us with many un-answered questions, I am sure. But it also provides an opprtunity to reflect on our lives, maybe even giving us the chanec to re-evaluate what really is important to us. Family, friends, and our relationship and love for the Savior.
I am always humbled by these experiences. I find them to be bitter-sweet. Bitter for obvious reasons and sweet, because of the peace and comfort the spirit brings, the love and kindness that is felt from family and friends as they rally around those in mourning, and the joy in the knowledge that families are eternal! I am always impressed with the faith of those left behind to endure without their loved one near.
Some of my sweetest and most spiritual experiences that have solidified my testimony of the gospel have come from the experience of losing a loved one or watching someone I love dearly lose a loved one.
I have been there when my sweet sister-in-law wept as she said her Earthly good byes to her sweet 2 month old baby son, Nathan. It was a moving experience to see her faith in the plan of salvation give her strength to endure her heart ache. She strengthened my testimony more than she'll ever know and instantly became one of my heroes.
I cried with my best friend at the passing of her beautiful mother. The day she passed away I had a special opportunity to visit with her and the family at their home. The spirit of the Lord, along with her mother's, resided in that home as we comforted one another and cried. We went up into her room where we found her journal. Keelee read some of the exerts she had written months before. In them her mother had written a letter to each child of her hopes and wishes for them and also took the time to tell them each her unique love for them and her testimony of the gospel. What a blessing for her to get to say her final good- byes without even realizing that her time was drawing close, in her own way that I am sure her children will cherish for the rest of their lives.
Alongside her journal was her patriarchal blessing. Keelee was kind enough to share with me a paragraph from that blessing, where the Lord had promised her mother that "she would only live as long as life was sweet to her." It was apparent the latter years of her life weren't as happy as they should have been, considering how spunky, energetic, and fun her mother was. Her health was holding her back from being the best she could be and so the Lord took her so she could reach her full measure on the otherside of the vail, where I know she is exuberantly working and touching the lives of those who didn't have the opportunity to learn of the gospel in their Earthly life.
One of the sweetest experiences happen to me when years after her mom had passed I attended my best friend's, little brother's missionary homecoming. I sat in the congregation listening to this young man, who was once just a little boy, give a wonderful talk about his experience on his mission. He declared his testimony with such sureity, it made me sad to think that his mom was not hear to listen, or see her son be such an example of Christ after what I am sure was many years of hard work, love, and consistency in teaching him the gospel. As soon as these thoughts came in my head, they were immediately dismissed. My heart was full, my eyes teared up and I knew........I knew that indeed she did get to see and hear her son, this amazing young man, because indeed she was there.
From that experience I learned that our loving Heavenly Father allows our loved ones to look in on us from time to time. I am not fully aware of how it all works but I cannot deny the feelings I felt that day. I looked over at Keelee, she saw me crying, I told her her mother was here, and she knew it too! It was amazing and I am so grateful I got to feel her presence.
I myself lost a dear Aunt who had courageously battled cancer for four years before it finally took her. She was so positive and had such an amazing attitude. I have never met someone who faced adversity with such humility and courage. I remeber her telling us that she was thankful for her cancer because it had strengthened her testimony of the Savior in a way that nothing else could have. She was diligent to the end. And I love her so much for it!
Life is precious and fragile. We are never certain what lies ahead for us or our loved ones, what storms we will have to weather, or the mountains we will have to climb. But there is so much to be happy about and to be thankful for. Love more deeply, kiss your children more times than they'd like and tell your loved ones you love them as much as you can.
I put the boys to bed just now and kissed their little faces. I am looking at my wedidng band on my ring finger and am so grateful to be reminded that whatever comes our way, those amazing, dirty, darling, rambunxious, precious children are mine forever.
No matter what. Because of the blessings that the gospel brings through the everlasting covenants made in the temple, death will never part us. It fills my heart with Hope and peace.
I am so thankful for the these wonderful experiences in my life, although sad and trying. The Lord knows each and every one of us and has a plan for us all. It is my hope that I can live in a way that I can touch the lives of others as the people I have come to meet and love have touched mine and my family's through their Christ-like example.
