you find Hot Wheel cars in your purse when you are searching for a pen to sign your bank statement.
When your boys come in from playing outside all day they smell somewhat similar to a dirty little wet dog.
when cleaning the toilet, it is actually more work cleaning the floor by the toilet, the front of the toilet, the sides of the toilet, that weird little groove on the sides of the toilet and the toilet rug, than the actual inside of THE toilet itself.
You go through 6-8 gallons of milk a week, also including but not limited to; 4 bags of cereal, 3 loaves of bread, a box of Graham crackers, 20 packages of Ramen Noodles and 1 tub of PB easy..........and they are still hungry!!!!
when ironing clothes you hum the theme song to "Sid the Science Kid".
FHE consists of reenactments of the Nephites going to war with the Lamanites and kicking their trash!!! (swords and all)
You own every color of Lightsabers known to man.
The "after-bath" water left in the tub is a mirky, swampy, brownish-green color. Swamp Thing would find it rather inviting.
When any word pertaining to food, candy, treats etc... is mentioned, you find your boys swarming to you like flies to poo.
There is nothing worse for your boys then washing there face off. You would think soap was made out of nitric acid....might as well pull there toe nails off with tweezers.
you use to be able to purchase 1 Hot-N-Ready pizza to feed you the hubby and maybe 2 friends, but are no longer able to include the friends, because there is NEVER any left over.
you can sing the Clifford theme song...."Clifford needed Emily, so she chose him for her own, her love made Clifford grow so big, that the Howard's had to leave there home......." you know the rest!
your laundry has tripled.
you find that your jewelery seems to be mysteriously growing legs and disappearing, only to learn that is actually hidden in a shoe box under your sons bed because it has now become "Captain Jack Sparrows treasure".
Your tampons make good use as make-believe "army grenades."
you go through band-aids and Neosporin so quickly that the neighbors are thinking about reporting you to CPS (child protection services)
Your toilet clogs at least once a week.
Your old wide mouth canning jars have now become Marriott Resorts to every creepy crawly bug in you yard.
The Soap stars you used to watch and drool over have now been replaced by Marvel Super heroes. Example, I used to love Antonia Sabato Jr. (he played Jagger on general Hospital way back in the day) I now have a crush on Iron Man.....
You turn the subtitles on when watching movies because you are now considered hearing impaired do to the noise level that comes with boys, and there seems to be only one level,............LOUD!!!!
There are 35 pair of denim jeans in your house and only 3 pairs of them still have the knees intact.
You include the maker of "Spray-N-Wash" in your prayers every night to thank the Heavens for his miraculous contribution to the world.
you have begun to think fart sounds are cool and find yourself trying to improve your own.
Burping is just another way of saying, "thanks, that was delicious."
Your cooking utensils have now doubled as army guns, or swords.
Your vacuum canister or bag is not only filled with dust bunnies and dirt but, don't forget the Lego's.
The baby doll you had when you were little is no longer swaddled and cuddled, but is now being used as a football.
There is more dirt on the clothes in your laundry then there is in your back yard.
Your "Play House" could easily house a small family of 4.
You are very familiar with the following movies; "The Never Ending Story", "The Sandlot", "Thomas the Tank Engine". etc....
Indiana Jones is still consider cool (in a non-retro way) and is topic of conversation at least 3 times per week.
Shoes and socks are impossible to keep track of, (especially on Sunday mornings when you are trying to be on time and they are no where to be found, what is up with that?!?!?!)
You have to cut your kids fingernails once a week or you could grow a row of corn under them if you didn't.
Dad is way cooler than you.
Your mother's day card has a picture of you driving an army tank, shooting the "bad guys"with random hearts hovering in the sky above.
Cookies are eaten so fast that your cookie jar now holds extra coins instead of actual cookies.
Peanut Butter is a staple.
***If I have missed anything, please let me know!!!
